fuck

oh hai boyfriend wisdom

"We like to believe a truth is out there, yet most of us choose not to look for it. We are either happy with what we have or just dont or cant care enough about it to pursue it. By finding the truth i find my dream."

~luke morton

slash

i am
so
fucked up right now

i can only think of two people in this moment
who i legitimately care about


but only this moment

head/heart
in hibernation

only the crazy exists 

but only in this moment

unless this moment is forever

my legs are asleep

i need to find the perfect trance song.
im going to a party
where i'll only be allowed one request.

i want a super dance-y one.
and a really long one. 

hai

tell me why
i'm so hot right now?
like, what the fuck.
when it is all rainy and cold outside
and then i'm sitting here
having a hot flash
or some shit

my room is strange.

also, usually my room is like
ten degrees
colder
than any other room in the house

i think it's trying to tell me something.

edit: two minutes after posting this and i'm freezing.

i rolled up my already short sleeved shirt

and somehow that

made me cold

cold

cold. 

i've been told i'm cold.

.

http://lavieboston.com/

i love the strings in this live version

also i love the ending.
it sounds like heartbeats.
very soft.

i like to lose myself in the possible worlds

http://2photo.ru/14237-fotomodel-asya-arteeva-izbrannoe.html

most of which are impossible. 

on another note: the trance im listening to is perfection. must obtain tracklist. 

just what i needed.

smile emerging on face

involuntarily 

love when that happens

sunflowers are my favorite

when you feel them readying

just play trance

lose yourself


and think of the people you love

only way to save your heart

i want so much candy

http://de--luca.deviantart.com/

"Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old."

                                                                                                        ~Franz Kafka 

reminds me of:  "it's inevitable....when you grow up, your heart dies."

                        "who cares?"

                         "...I care."

!!!!!!!!!...!!!!!!!!11111

so, if you haven't seen on my facebook

or

i haven't texted you about it yet,

TIESTO WILL BE IN VEGAS UNTIL DECEMBER 2011


i don't care what i have to do

must see him at least once

i am eternally broke but

this

this my friends,

is going

to

happen.

wanna go with me?

emerged for a while

hopeful -

well,

maybe.

but then i remembered

even bambi's mom gets shot.

just another nowhere lullaby

a thousand wasted brooklyners all depressed

http://www.atheistnexus.org/profile/Dominiq

“Neither of us says the word love, not once. It would be tempting fate; it would be romance, bad luck.”

 —Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid’s Tale

terrible love

http://fuckyeahblackmodels.tumblr.com/

.

"i think i want to be forgiven.
yes.... i want to be forgiven."

reminds me of

http://www.summerpierre.com/2006_08_01_archive.html

this is our decision
to live fast and die young
we have the vision
now let's have some
fun

god is a girl

http://www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/Rigel-5/tag/smoking/

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

honestly,

fuck this.

i thought it would be different this time




and




i forgot to take my friend's advice

i didn't scream
 
so i'm trapped in my head

the worst prison

the fucking

worst.

i'm screaming in my head

but

it isn't enough

i'm not enough.

i had a dream i bought my faux fur coat

really want an obnoxious


oversized 


faux fur coat.


in honesty, inspired by 

the heroine chic look 


so i can just look skinny and all 


fucked up 

beneath my huge coat

being responsible and not going out drinking tonight!

"i've heard it's possible to grow up. i've just never seen anyone actually do it."


responsibility sucks.

i still haven't got anywhere that i want

http://www.bsattler.com/blog/?cat=15&paged=2

you said that you did but you didn't understand

my thoughts were so loud i didn't hear my mouth 

my thoughts were so loud

thinking about the monster below the surface

not in a downer mood right now or anything

just thinking about

the tamed beast

(though in different degrees)

in us all.




we are not alone.

okay well

im watching little house on the prairie
as i go back to sleep tonight.

random things i should spend my money on:
1) new speakers. god how i need that shit. but too cheap to actually pay for them.
2) HELLO KITTY RING by tarina tarantino. i forgot how badly i wanted one of those.
3) groceries.
4) christmas gifts.
5)  shoes. always more shoes.
6) party wig.
7) trip to SF and/or miami. or boston. 

what i actually spend my money on:
1) booze.
2) fast food.
3) cigarettes.
4) more booze.


kay.

my cat is cute.

i had so many thoughts
in my head last night

in that heavenly place between
sleep and wake

like seriously
that is the promised land

paradox
your mind is the most clear
when your conscious is all foggy
and fucked up

but that place
that land
is when your mind is the most pure

only truth exists there.
well
more truth than usual, at least.

the only hard part is remembering your epiphanies
which usually doesn't happen

but maybe it's better that way?
those thoughts remain pure
untainted
beautiful

and

safe.

i like songs about drifters and books about the same / they both seem to make me feel a little less insane

 

http://yangoku.tumblr.com/page/24

i think i'm going to force myself to write today

start a new short story maybe 

cause fuck the novel i'm writing. 

return to self loathing. 


i think i enjoy being a letdown 


because it's 


easier 


than being something more. 


emo. 


whatever. 

steps for today:

1) wake up at 7am. realize i am too hungover to move so go back to sleep.
2) go to rehearsal at 11. take motrin. scolding self for drinking.
3) smoke a bit to try to get over the nausea. not sure if it's helping or making things worse.
4) surprised at how well i dance. i credit my pointe shoes, which are perfect.
5) have noodle pick me up for lunch. 
6) while eating said lunch realize i have a missed call from a girl from ballet. have to go through nine voicemails to hear hers.
7) rush back to the studio because they changed rehearsal times and are currently rehearsing the scene i'm in. without me.
8) slightly worried i will be in trouble.
9) not in trouble. rehearsal ends essentially right when i walk through the door and put on pointe shoes.
10) everyone apologizes to me for changing times and making me come back for no reason. 
11) realize i have indeed come back for absolutely no reason. make to leave. 
12) a reason presents itself in the form of a costume fitting. i feel fat. 
13) go outside and wait to be picked up. get goosebumps. but the cold air feels good. 
14) listen to tiesto and stand awkwardly as people walk by. ride comes.
15) blog. 
16) party later with some nu delta boys and boyfriend.
17) sleep. maybe. probably not at my house.
18) end.

http://muffin-and-lemonade.deviantart.com/art/The-Best-Of-Me-139147551

i never promised to be perfect

http://www.flickr.com/photos/neilkrug/3936282969/

i never promised to be pure
but you promised yourself i would be

now 

why would you make a promise that
you know you are going to break?
that i am going to break
for
you. 

fuck this holiday

http://electrotecture.tumblr.com/page/5

sitting here in my room listening to godspeed you! black emperor 

all dark and poetic and shit

we don't even have any booze in the house

feeling pretty good today

thinking about some of the


beautiful people in my life

so now im all mushy and

!!!!

and just cheesey and a little happy.

im lucky.



now time for tranceeeeeee

my lovely danielle.



<3

for reasons unknown but time will tell

 

http://s3prod.weheartit.netdna-cdn.com/images/4837525/tumblr_lbfqmjgh9S1qazcrgo1_500_large.jpg?1289196326

courtesy of jason.

because in your case, dying really isn't the best revenge

http://weheartit.com/pansyvicious?page=13

just



take me away


show me something real


something









alive

i wish that i had known in that first minute we met the unpayable debt that i owed you

"when i was checking vitals i suggested a smile
you didn't talk for awhile you were freezing.

you said you hated my tone
it made you feel so alone

so you told me i ought to be leaving.

but something kept me standing by that hospital bed
i should have quit but instead i took care of you

they made me sleep and uneven
and i didn't believe them

when they told me that there was no saving you"

"i never thought i was innocent / but i was pure"

http://iliketoforkmyself.blogspot.com/2009_06_01_archive.html

so

i realize this is a day late 

but i didn't blog yesterday so whatever

and it's better late than never 

and besides, here in eternity 

there's no concept of time anyways, right? 

"the past that makes you cry will make you grow

the loneliness that makes you cry will make you strong

do not regret your past

do not forget your past

past is just past

anyway it does not exist

it can not exist

it will remain in you

but it can not rule you

as it is only memories



since you already have a different world,

you should be the person in that world.,,

nothing else"

~daul kim. may 31, 1989 - november 19, 2009

antimatter!

http://sexisbeautiful.tumblr.com/page/2

apparently i'm supposed to say "atm" instead of "at the mo' "

if i want to be cool, that is.

the ember is

intoxicating

cannot look away

a part of me wants to
press the ember
the burning
into my flesh
just so i can be part of this beauty

but i don't
can't

staring at it reminds me of
the "gentle warmth
... almost like love"

i stare at it
the warmth
incinerating what it touches
so tangible
so present

yet untouchable

meaning is meaningless




but it's still beautiful in itself

my friend and i used to say we were vladimir and estragon.

"Given the existence as uttered forth in the public works of Puncher and Wattmann of a personal God quaquaquaqua with white beard quaquaquaqua outside time without extension who from the heights of divine apathia divine athambia divine aphasia loves us dearly with some exceptions for reasons unknown but time will tell and suffers like the divine Miranda with those who for reasons unknown but time will tell are plunged in torment plunged in fire whose fire flames if that continues and who can doubt it will fire the firmament that is to say blast heaven to hell so blue still and calm so calm with a calm which even though intermittent is better than nothing [...]"

 ~waiting for godot, samuel beckett

i was lucky in the play, though. (the character, that is.)

stop barking so loud

 http://weheartit.com/le_pearl?page=2

"what you want you run away from
what you need you don't have a clue
what you've accomplished makes you proud
but you're still miserable"

oidjjvndsdjgh

this mightve already been up

i really fucking miss all my music.

i keep forgetting to order that damn cable.

i keep wondering what gems ill recover

music ive forgotten about

im just gonna think of it as a present waiting for me

that i gave myself

cause when i get that music

it's gonna be the celebration my heart has been waitin' for

thin veil

http://www.stefangiftthaler.com/beauty.html#

i keep confusing what is real these days

with what i dream.

my dreams are like my realities

but

my realities are not like my dreams.

sometimes you just have to enjoy what you know is bad for you

http://acidicfuck.tumblr.com/page/11

cause in the moment it's good for you

exhausted

http://jenniferblackburnphotography.blogspot.com/2010/05/ree-pioneer-woman-came-to-dc.html

currently feeling:

uninspired.










i think i'm just tired. 

reminds me of summer

keep me warm

haiiii

hello world
you are beautiful today
i am a fickle girl
but
i don't think you are as steadfast as you seem

none of us want to be alone
even those of us
who
want to be alone.

i usually hate how overexposed marilyn is


but 

this here pretty much says it all.

they ask me
'why does this mean something to you'
'why does she mean something to you'

today i think i might have stumbled upon
a realization


pain interlaced with beauty
and the ugly seems phenomenal.

beauty and the beast

http://vi.sualize.us/view/chpest/33f4381cccef0b47e357d32bb7943a0b/

so

yesterday my blog randomly had almost 3 times as much viewership as it usually does.

this makes no sense to me, my number of views usually doesnt fluctuate much.

i was like 'maybe the gattaca quote made it more popular'

but my stats show that the quote is not how people found the blog (blogspot tracks that sort of thing).

so, weird.

but, cool!!

edit: fuck you jasonnnnnNNNn

truetruetrue

"I was never more certain of how far away I was from my goal than when I was standing right beside it."

~gattaca

my ass smells like whiskey and febreeze

http://ffffound.com/image/97b99b9f248caeea7c725a312615b004011e457b

just look away
doesn't matter if it's to the future or to the past
just look
and
see

see what?

i don't know.
the present?
yourself?
a reason to look.

i don't get why people hate on this song. just because it's popular?

http://www.arthistory.sbc.edu/artartists/photosally.html

i've been roaming around, i was looking down at all i see
painted faces fill the places i can't reach
you know that i could use somebody
you know that i could use somebody

someone like you and all you know and how you speak
countless lovers under cover of the street
you know that i could use somebody
you know that i could use somebody
someone like you

the trance remixes of this song own my heart.

i need permission

http://www.thathipsterporn.org/?page=2

i steal from thathipsterporn a lot, but it's okay they support it.

goodness

http://ffffound.com/image/015a6541d879cf26b4568a2abe83d2ea3d3c8528

i have some shit i need to take care of.

not my strong suit.

hello.

i'm probably going to be in a shitload of trouble

but

it.
was.
worth it.


edit: so far, so good.
double edit: not in trouble at all! but need to be careful from now on. and really want to fix my expedition.

lovely

you can see the stars pretty well tonight!!

http://bippityboppityboo.tumblr.com/page/6

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:D

warm milk helps with insomnia.

http://ffffound.com/image/fe49911329bd37895ba4c56aeab9956164d26f78

"i wish that when i met new people in real life
they would introduce themselves to me like: 'Hey, my name is...'
and then they sort of trail off
and time pauses
and a blue screen with their avatar picture appears and an alphabet
and i can choose their name
half of everyone i know would be named Poot.
or Cloud or Link
depending on how i feel about them."

~kyle chavez

im eating tomato soup.

"would it be a total cliche if i kissed you right now?"

"...
...yes."

ryan and hanzel, i MISS YOU.

http://bippityboppityboo.tumblr.com/page/6

heaphones

http://paintitbeige.wordpress.com/category/photography/

thank you mr house

http://picsdigger.com/image/ae4151f3/

empty
can't be around people
can't be alone
one moment my heart is

alive(?)

the next moment

i

am

just


...

but yeah

“The harm and the justice are two contrary objects, of which the one has tendency to produce hatred, and the other love; ‘tis according to their different degrees, and our particular turn of thinking, that either of the objects prevails, and excites its proper passion.”

~Hume, Treatise, 2.2.3.

reminded of what i am

last night was a look at some potential worlds

maybe that's what those dreams were trying to tell me

there is always an alternative

(and also that you may not realize you're dreamin'.
which world are you living in?)

i smell like febreeze

http://www.flickr.com/photos/usnationalarchives/3703578603/

*

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

reminder

http://fashiongonerogue.com/

this is some bullshit

"He was tired. It was as if he had run a race against his own body, and all the exhaustion of years, which he had refused to acknowledge, had caught him at once and flattened him against the desk top. He felt nothing, except the desire not to move. He did not have the strength to feel - not even to suffer. He had burned everything there was to burn within him; he had scattered so many sparks to start so many things - and he wondered whether someone could give him now the spark he needed, now when he felt unable ever to rise again. He asked himself who had started him and kept him going. Then he raised his head. Slowly, with the greatest effort of his life, he made his body rise until he was able to sit upright with only one hand pressed to the desk and a trembling arm to support him. He never asked that question again."

~Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand

two weeks

http://www.teamgal.com/exhibitions/131/i_know_where_the_summer_goes

float on

http://www.last.fm/group/I+Still+Buy+CDs/forum/32003/_/514758/196

hm.

"surviving is not fighting. thriving is fighting."

what do you fight for?

there's that fear again, coming through the grass, deeper it goes, through the wall it goes singing me a song, sing me to sleep

http://sensoryprojects.com.au/?p=50

for reverend green - animal collective

from one moment to a next
reading in the papers to know what's best
sometimes you don't know yourself
eating loads of vitamins for your health
from one moment to a next
red negativity in the street
maybe it's the earth, maybe it's the heat
a baby on the bus smiled at me so easy

now I think it's all right we're together
now I think that's a riot
now I think it's the best you've ever played it
now I think that's a riot
now I think it's all right to feel inhuman
now I think that's a riot
now I think it's all right, we'll sing together
now I think that's a riot

a running child's bloody with burning knees
a careless child's money flew in the trees
a camping child's happy with winter's freeze
a lucky child don't know how lucky she is

from one moment to a next
a thousand wasted Brooklyners all depressed
the ins and outs of supper's chest
he'll only be a friend if he touches your breast
from one moment to a next
a shifting in the plates of what you ingest
from sugared tits to honeyed pests
bulimic vegetarian wins weight contest

now I think it's all right we're together
now I think that's a riot
now I think it's the best he ever played it
now I think that's a riot
now I think it's all right to feel inhuman
now I think that's a riot
now I think it's all right, we'll sing together
now I think that's a riot

dear heart, don't stop fighting

'This is the first day of my life
Swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain, suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach
Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don't know where I am, don't know where I've been
But I know where I want to go

And so I thought I'd let you know
That these things take forever, I especially am slow
But I realized that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home
Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange, you said everything changed
You felt as if you'd just woke up

And you said, "This is the first day of my life.
I'm glad I didn't die before I met you.
But, now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you
And I'd probably be happy."

So if you wanna be with me
With these things there's no telling
We'll just have to wait and see
But I'd rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery

Besides, maybe this time it's different
I mean I really think you like me'

i had a good night last night

http://www.dissolute.com.au/avweb/epi4/hourpoke.jpg

did you?

let's mosey

does anyone else remember playing duck hunt as a kid on NES?

http://blogs.villagevoice.com/music/2009/10/good_afternoon.php

and, i know. this clearly is not duck hunt.

sometimes I wonder if my dreams are white

sometimes i know they'll all come true
i need somebody who can move my world
someone who knows just what to do

http://www.thathipsterporn.org/