Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Monday, June 25, 2012
this.
"When she told her high school physics teacher that she got accepted to Vassar, he replied, 'You should do okay as long as you stay away from science.' She would later recall, 'It takes an enormous amount of self-esteem to listen to things like that and not be demolished.'"
~from Michio Kaku's parallel worlds, on astronomer Vera Rubin, who worked to show the existence of dark matter in the universe
~from Michio Kaku's parallel worlds, on astronomer Vera Rubin, who worked to show the existence of dark matter in the universe
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
salinger
"I told Wally we'd probably stop off for a drink and then maybe we'd all go out to the stadium together in his car. You mind? You like Wally."
"I don't even know who he is."
"You've met him about twenty times, for God's sake. Wally Campbell. Jesus. If you've met him once, you've met him - "
"Oh. I remember....Listen, don't hate me because I can't remember some person immediately. Especially when they look like everybody else, and talk and dress and act like everybody else." Franny made her voice stop. It sounded too cavilling and bitchy, and she felt a wave of self-hatred that, quite literally, made her forehead begin to perspire again. But her voice picked up again, in spite of herself. "I don't mean there's anything horrible about him or anything like that. It's just that for four solid years I've kept seeing Wally Campbells wherever I go. I know when they're going to be charming, I know when they're going to start telling you some really nasty gossip about some girl that lives in your dorm, I know when they're going to ask me what I did over the summer, I know when they're going to pull up a chair and straddle it backward and start bragging in a terribly, terribly quiet voice - or name-dropping in a terribly quiet, casual voice. There's an unwritten law that people in a certain social or financial bracket can name-drop as much as they like just as long as they say something terribly disparaging about the person as soon as they've dropped his name - that he's a bastard or a nymphomaniac or takes dope all the time, or something horrible." She broke off again. She was quiet for a moment, turning the ashtray in her fingers and being careful not to look up and see Lane's expression. "I'm sorry," she said. "It isn't just Wally Campbell. I'm just picking on him because you mentioned him. And because he just looks like somebody that spent the summer in Italy or someplace."
"He was in France last summer, for your information," Lane stated. "I know what you mean," he added quickly, "but you're being goddam un-"
"All right," Franny said wearily. "France."
She took a cigarette out of the pack on the table.
"It isn't just Wally. It could be a girl, for goodness' sake. I mean if he were a girl - somebody in my dorm, for example - he'd have been painting scenery in some stock company all summer. Or bicycled through Wales. Or taken an apartment in New York and worked for a magazine or an advertising company. It's everybody, I mean. Everything everybody does is so - I don't know - not wrong, or even mean, or even stupid necessarily. But just tiny and meaningless and - sad-making. And the worst part is, if you go bohemian or something crazy like that, you're just conforming just as much as everybody else, only in a different way." She stopped. She shook her head briefly, her face quite white, and for just a fractional moment she felt her forehead with her hand - less, it seemed, to find out whether she was perspiring than to check to see, as if she were her own parent, whether she had a fever.
"I feel so funny," she said. "I think I'm going crazy. Maybe I'm already crazy."
~from Franny and Zooey
one of my favorite works.
and now im really hungry.
"I don't even know who he is."
"You've met him about twenty times, for God's sake. Wally Campbell. Jesus. If you've met him once, you've met him - "
"Oh. I remember....Listen, don't hate me because I can't remember some person immediately. Especially when they look like everybody else, and talk and dress and act like everybody else." Franny made her voice stop. It sounded too cavilling and bitchy, and she felt a wave of self-hatred that, quite literally, made her forehead begin to perspire again. But her voice picked up again, in spite of herself. "I don't mean there's anything horrible about him or anything like that. It's just that for four solid years I've kept seeing Wally Campbells wherever I go. I know when they're going to be charming, I know when they're going to start telling you some really nasty gossip about some girl that lives in your dorm, I know when they're going to ask me what I did over the summer, I know when they're going to pull up a chair and straddle it backward and start bragging in a terribly, terribly quiet voice - or name-dropping in a terribly quiet, casual voice. There's an unwritten law that people in a certain social or financial bracket can name-drop as much as they like just as long as they say something terribly disparaging about the person as soon as they've dropped his name - that he's a bastard or a nymphomaniac or takes dope all the time, or something horrible." She broke off again. She was quiet for a moment, turning the ashtray in her fingers and being careful not to look up and see Lane's expression. "I'm sorry," she said. "It isn't just Wally Campbell. I'm just picking on him because you mentioned him. And because he just looks like somebody that spent the summer in Italy or someplace."
"He was in France last summer, for your information," Lane stated. "I know what you mean," he added quickly, "but you're being goddam un-"
"All right," Franny said wearily. "France."
She took a cigarette out of the pack on the table.
"It isn't just Wally. It could be a girl, for goodness' sake. I mean if he were a girl - somebody in my dorm, for example - he'd have been painting scenery in some stock company all summer. Or bicycled through Wales. Or taken an apartment in New York and worked for a magazine or an advertising company. It's everybody, I mean. Everything everybody does is so - I don't know - not wrong, or even mean, or even stupid necessarily. But just tiny and meaningless and - sad-making. And the worst part is, if you go bohemian or something crazy like that, you're just conforming just as much as everybody else, only in a different way." She stopped. She shook her head briefly, her face quite white, and for just a fractional moment she felt her forehead with her hand - less, it seemed, to find out whether she was perspiring than to check to see, as if she were her own parent, whether she had a fever.
"I feel so funny," she said. "I think I'm going crazy. Maybe I'm already crazy."
~from Franny and Zooey
one of my favorite works.
and now im really hungry.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
the crop top is magic.
that's my friend right in the center.
she looks fucking hot here so had to put it up.
i'm bitter awkward loner on the side as usual.
just focus on the enigmatic woman in the middle.
fuck. yes.
netflix added lost in translation.
so, so happy. that will come in handy.
also.
netflix has this little gem: snoop dog's hood of horror.
needless to say i'm sure i'll be watching that sometime soon.
probably supplemented with some whiskey.
in the mood for a horror film right now.
i'm thinking carrie (never seen it) or some japanese film.
i'm not in the mood for some shitty zombie movie.
and in terms of zombie flicks,
netflix pretty much only has shitty ones.
nor do i want an exorcist movie (every one i have seen gets pretty boring pretty quickly)
which makes me sad.
so, so happy. that will come in handy.
also.
netflix has this little gem: snoop dog's hood of horror.
needless to say i'm sure i'll be watching that sometime soon.
probably supplemented with some whiskey.
in the mood for a horror film right now.
i'm thinking carrie (never seen it) or some japanese film.
i'm not in the mood for some shitty zombie movie.
and in terms of zombie flicks,
netflix pretty much only has shitty ones.
nor do i want an exorcist movie (every one i have seen gets pretty boring pretty quickly)
which makes me sad.
Friday, June 15, 2012
books.
books im missing:
lolita
proust
i had them both two summers ago. they must be hiding under the bed or something.
time to reread lolita, franny and zooey, and probably one of the harry potters.
time to attempt reading: proust.
started beyond good and evil. overrated to me so far (i'm probably going to get shot for saying that).
need to actually finish: wheel of time series (on book 4). feynman lectures on physics (thanks brother).
always loving: my gigantic hubble space telescope book. mom did good on that one. always cheers me up if i start turning into emo-alicia. i wish i could swim through a nebula. even though the prettiest images are often false color.
Slight tangent, but related:
"In all your travels, have you ever seen a star go supernova? [...] No? Well, I have. I saw a star explode and send out the building blocks of the Universe. Other stars, other planets and eventually other life. A supernova! Creation itself! I was there. I wanted to see it and be part of the moment. And you know how I perceived one of the most glorious events in the universe? With these ridiculous gelatinous orbs in my skull! With eyes designed to perceive only a tiny fraction of the EM spectrum. With ears designed only to hear vibrations in the air. [...] I don't want to be human! I want to see gamma rays! I want to hear X-rays! And I want to - I want to smell dark matter! Do you see the absurdity of what I am? I can't even express these things properly because I have to - I have to conceptualize complex ideas in this stupid limiting spoken language! But I know I want to reach out with something other than these prehensile paws! And feel the wind of a supernova flowing over me! I'm a machine! And I can know much more! I can experience so much more. But I'm trapped in this absurd body! And why? Because my five creators thought that God wanted it that way!"
lolita
proust
i had them both two summers ago. they must be hiding under the bed or something.
time to reread lolita, franny and zooey, and probably one of the harry potters.
time to attempt reading: proust.
started beyond good and evil. overrated to me so far (i'm probably going to get shot for saying that).
need to actually finish: wheel of time series (on book 4). feynman lectures on physics (thanks brother).
always loving: my gigantic hubble space telescope book. mom did good on that one. always cheers me up if i start turning into emo-alicia. i wish i could swim through a nebula. even though the prettiest images are often false color.
Slight tangent, but related:
"In all your travels, have you ever seen a star go supernova? [...] No? Well, I have. I saw a star explode and send out the building blocks of the Universe. Other stars, other planets and eventually other life. A supernova! Creation itself! I was there. I wanted to see it and be part of the moment. And you know how I perceived one of the most glorious events in the universe? With these ridiculous gelatinous orbs in my skull! With eyes designed to perceive only a tiny fraction of the EM spectrum. With ears designed only to hear vibrations in the air. [...] I don't want to be human! I want to see gamma rays! I want to hear X-rays! And I want to - I want to smell dark matter! Do you see the absurdity of what I am? I can't even express these things properly because I have to - I have to conceptualize complex ideas in this stupid limiting spoken language! But I know I want to reach out with something other than these prehensile paws! And feel the wind of a supernova flowing over me! I'm a machine! And I can know much more! I can experience so much more. But I'm trapped in this absurd body! And why? Because my five creators thought that God wanted it that way!"
(brother cavil, bsg)
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
i hate you. i hate you, too.
happy birthday.
i watched our favorite die antwoord video last night after midnight,
which was near impossible as my internet
decided to hate me and not let the video load AT ALL.
oh, and several times it started
to reload from the beginning once it finally got loaded (wtf)
it took awhile but i finally got it.
it's times like this i wish i still could write/read latin
or speak osh nosh third grade language
or some shit
because there is a lot i want to write
but i don't want to put it all out there this time
for once.
i thought about going to our favorite vietnamese place
i might go there later.
but i realized the place has lost meaning
since we don't go there together anymore.
i remember clearly the last time we were there.
ill most definitely be listening to more music
but i don't use grooveshark anymore.
we should have been on spotify the whole time
but that is beside the point.
if i had tokyo zombie i would try watching it
for the fourth (or is it the fifth?) time
and hopefully not fall asleep like we always did.
i'll sit out later tonight and have a smoke
and look up.
cause really,
that's the best i can do.
this video was so fucking hard to watch. god.
i'll find you in the middle of the night.
Celebremus diem natalem!
celebrate vita!
amicus vitae solitium.
finis vitae sed non amoris.
te desidero.
ignosce mihi.
Liber es.
Liber es.
"i hate this game."
Monday, June 11, 2012
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
"the worst stab wound is the one to the heart.
sure, most people survive it
but the heart is never quite the same.
there's always a scar.
which is meant, i guess, to remind you
that
even for a little while
someone made your heart beat faster.
and that's a scar you can live with
proudly
all the days of your life."
(couldn't find the 9:44 version of this song on the 'tube...
but this shorter version still is good.
i'm just a sucker for extended mixes.)
Sunday, June 3, 2012
who tied your wings and told you not to fly?
"this is what i do
or what i'm told to
get a nine to five
fuck a job
i live for the weekend
surfin' the net and getting loaded
goggle eyed playing computer games
spending dough money on records and drugs
i live life in the fast lane
you only get one shot to enjoy every moment
savor it and take it in
i just wanna go out at night
that's what my head tells me
it's my own world
my way of life"
~from serotonin syndrome by brian cameron.
i have to say, the song itself was just 'meh' to me, and got too dubstep-y. but, it was magic when these words seeped their way out of the beat.
or what i'm told to
get a nine to five
fuck a job
i live for the weekend
surfin' the net and getting loaded
goggle eyed playing computer games
spending dough money on records and drugs
i live life in the fast lane
you only get one shot to enjoy every moment
savor it and take it in
i just wanna go out at night
that's what my head tells me
it's my own world
my way of life"
~from serotonin syndrome by brian cameron.
i have to say, the song itself was just 'meh' to me, and got too dubstep-y. but, it was magic when these words seeped their way out of the beat.
things i hate:
feeling bloated off fruits and vegetables
when i know what im eating is not making me fat.
caring about my weight so damn much.
an epic trance beat
DESTROYED mid song with some shit vocals
that is the biggest "fuck you" i can get.
not having someone to hang out with
anytime, anywhere
especially at night.
(also: texting my best friends around the globe
instead of being with them)
not having speakers
even my old, crappy ones would
abate the hate
not being able to talk to you
right here
right now
but i must say
it is hard for me to hate right now
trance cures me
heals me
gives me something in this desperate moment
desperate life
everyone should be so lucky to find something they can grab onto
i know most people don't understand my trance addiction
but wow,
this is my true love.
i mean this in a non-emo way even though it will probably sound emo, but:
it is nice to have something you love that you know can never leave you.
seriously, think about it. isn't it comforting? we all have something.
otherwise we wouldn't be here.
now i am off to spend a magical night with my love.
when i know what im eating is not making me fat.
caring about my weight so damn much.
an epic trance beat
DESTROYED mid song with some shit vocals
that is the biggest "fuck you" i can get.
not having someone to hang out with
anytime, anywhere
especially at night.
(also: texting my best friends around the globe
instead of being with them)
not having speakers
even my old, crappy ones would
abate the hate
not being able to talk to you
right here
right now
but i must say
it is hard for me to hate right now
trance cures me
heals me
gives me something in this desperate moment
desperate life
everyone should be so lucky to find something they can grab onto
i know most people don't understand my trance addiction
but wow,
this is my true love.
i mean this in a non-emo way even though it will probably sound emo, but:
it is nice to have something you love that you know can never leave you.
seriously, think about it. isn't it comforting? we all have something.
otherwise we wouldn't be here.
now i am off to spend a magical night with my love.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
things i love
trance
late night food
late nights
late nights
late nights
(that time from roughly 2am-4:30am where most of the world is asleep, but just enough of the world is awake, including you [me])
late night trance
crap liquor for cheap
friends
that sense of
....
well, not happiness
or even peace
but love
that sense of love
middle of the night
secret
alone
private
perfect
[trance inspired]
love.
where you almost think this moment
this near endless night
will last forever.
and every night you pray it will
knowing it never will
but it is okay
because there are more nights
and more importantly
this one isn't over yet.
late night food
late nights
late nights
late nights
(that time from roughly 2am-4:30am where most of the world is asleep, but just enough of the world is awake, including you [me])
late night trance
crap liquor for cheap
friends
that sense of
....
well, not happiness
or even peace
but love
that sense of love
middle of the night
secret
alone
private
perfect
[trance inspired]
love.
where you almost think this moment
this near endless night
will last forever.
and every night you pray it will
knowing it never will
but it is okay
because there are more nights
and more importantly
this one isn't over yet.
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