happy hardcore, give me strength

just this side of love
is where you'll find
the confidence
not to continue.

it's super effective!

pure
win.

so.
much.


win.

somebody like you

are you psychic? 
nah, just crazy.

let's go dancing!

we don't have to cuddle while we dance
i promise

"the worst stab wound is the one to the heart.
sure, most people survive it
but the heart is never quite the same.
there's always a scar.
which is meant, i guess, to remind you
that
even for a little while
someone made your heart beat faster.
and that's a scar you can live with

proudly

all the days of your life."

(couldn't find the 9:44 version of this song on the 'tube...

but this shorter version still is good. 

i'm just a sucker for extended mixes.)

who tied your wings and told you not to fly?

"this is what i do
or what i'm told to
get a nine to five
fuck a job
i live for the weekend
surfin' the net and getting loaded
goggle eyed playing computer games
spending dough money on records and drugs
i live life in the fast lane
you only get one shot to enjoy every moment
savor it and take it in
i just wanna go out at night
that's what my head tells me
it's my own world
my way of life"


~from serotonin syndrome by brian cameron.
i have to say, the song itself was just 'meh' to me, and got too dubstep-y. but, it was magic when these words seeped their way out of the beat.

things i hate:

feeling bloated off fruits and vegetables
when i know what im eating is not making me fat.
caring about my weight so damn much.

an epic trance beat
DESTROYED mid song with some shit vocals
that is the biggest "fuck you" i can get.

not having someone to hang out with
anytime, anywhere
especially at night.
(also: texting my best friends around the globe
instead of being with them)

not having speakers
even my old, crappy ones would
abate the hate

not being able to talk to you
right here
right now

but i must say
it is hard for me to hate right now
trance cures me
heals me
gives me something in this desperate moment
desperate life

everyone should be so lucky to find something they can grab onto

i know most people don't understand my trance addiction

but wow,
this is my true love.

i mean this in a non-emo way even though it will probably sound emo, but:
it is nice to have something you love that you know can never leave you.
seriously, think about it. isn't it comforting? we all have something.
otherwise we wouldn't be here.

now i am off to spend a magical night with my love.

things i love

trance
late night food
late nights
late nights
late nights
(that time from roughly 2am-4:30am where most of the world is asleep, but just enough of the world is awake, including you [me])
late night trance
crap liquor for cheap
friends
that sense of

....

well, not happiness
or even peace
but love
that sense of love
middle of the night
secret
alone
private
perfect
[trance inspired]
love. 

where you almost think this moment
this near endless night
will last forever.
and every night you pray it will
knowing it never will
but it is okay
because there are more nights
and more importantly
this one isn't over yet.

i think i might, finally

for those of you who can get through 11 minutes of song....

 ....and not even realize how much time has passed.

 love.

sdifhksdjvnkjbv

the shade was dense
colorless yet shining.
you were a sun
masquerading as the moon -
a transparent costume
that only added to your charm.
independent and passionate
self-sustaining and fluid
a sharp flare reaching out
to grasp the depths of time,
an ironic beacon
pointing to the cold and stationary world
instead of becoming part of it.

as you embraced time
time embraced you.

you collapsed violently into the concentrated darkness,
into an endless black hole.
my eyelids went heavy
as i tried to find a point of impossible light. 

my second eyelid lifted.
there was no visible light
but i knew that i was blind
and i felt in that moment
the most reassuring promise
of time and space.
as the events in our lives melt us
beyond that dark horizon
we all become one.
broken into the same elements
our cores exposed in offering as our
mothering universe pulls us home.
whether moon
whether star
whether a dying star
in eternity's beautiful abyss we fall
and we become one.

under the microscope

into the universe.

courtesy jason douglas,

microscope images from his lab.

he said i could call him randall.

ive always found it strangely comforting to hear the coyotes
by my house
start howling
late at night.

they are crazy
and super loud
and so many
and always starting around the same time each night

just
comforting.

i wonder what they say to each other?

pure

i can't even describe how this song makes me feel
goosebumps
lost in time
and maybe even space
happiness
sadness
smiling
holding back tears
everything
nothing
limbo
dancing
sitting
but mostly
love
only love.

once upon an amelia

there exists a very rare breed of songs

that no matter how popular
how played
(notice not overplayed - because that is impossible for this rare breed)

that their value is never diminished
your emotion to the song is always as strong
as the second time you heard it
(nothing can quite compare to the first)

this is one of them
stairway to heaven is another

i can't even think of other songs in the same league right now
i'm sure i know MAYbe a handful more

but it is rare
and magical
and terrible
and beautiful

we all have our different tastes
and our songs that are in this rare breed

this is by far,
one of the best
 to me.

someone like you

when i meet you in eternity
i'll be wearing bright colors
so you can find me.

i miss you.

“Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.”  

~J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

skjfhdxn

"Okay George, the pity thing? Not good. If you want crappy things to stop happening to you, then stop accepting crap and demand something more."

~said by Cristina Yang from Grey's Anatomy, back when that show was actually good

and not too fucking over the top and soap-y.

all shows go downhill after season3/4.

/

http://weheartit.com/entry/14880551

i guess you can either find comfort or sorrow in that. 

i haven't decided which one yet. 
i guess both. 

.

"But the most remarkable discovery in all of astronomy is that the stars are made of atoms of the same kind as those on the earth.*

[as footnote] *How I'm rushing through this! How much each sentence in this brief story contains. 'The stars are like atoms on earth.' I usually pick one small topic like this to give a lecture on. Poets say science takes away from the beauty of the stars - mere globs of gas atoms. Nothing is 'mere.' I too can see the stars on a desert night, and feel them. But do I see less or more? The vastness of the heavens stretches my imagination - stuck on this carousel my little eye can catch one-million-year-old light. A vast pattern - of which I am a part - perhaps my stuff was belched from some forgotten star, as one is belching there. Or see them with the greater eye of Palomar, rushing all apart from some common starting point when they were perhaps all together. What is the pattern, or the meaning, or the why? It does not do harm to the mystery to know a little about it. For far more marvelous is the truth than any artists of the past imagined! Why do the poets of the present not speak of it? What men are poets who can speak of Jupiter if he were like a man, but if he is an immense spinning sphere of methane and ammonia must be silent?"

~from The Feynman Lectures on Physics,

section 3-6

This.

“The knowledge that the atoms that comprise life on earth - the atoms that make up the human body, are traceable to the crucibles that cooked light elements into heavy elements in their core under extreme temperatures and pressures. These stars- the high mass ones among them- went unstable in their later years- they collapsed and then exploded- scattering their enriched guts across the galaxy- guts made of carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, and all the fundamental ingredients of life itself. These ingredients become part of gas clouds that condense, collapse, form the next generation of solar systems- stars with orbiting planets. And those planets now have the ingredients for life itself. So that when I look up at the night sky, and I know that yes we are part of this universe, we are in this universe, but perhaps more important than both of those facts is that the universe is in us. When I reflect on that fact, I look up- many people feel small, cause their small and the universe is big. But I feel big because my atoms came from those stars.”

~Neil deGrasse Tyson

This man is amazing.

i'm not living i'm just killing time

minion.

"What are you doing out here?"

"I'm dreaming."

"Really? ...It all seems so real."

the longer i stay alive

 http://vpmag.net/2011/08/

the more i realize music is really the only thing worth living for,
truly.

in time you'll love me as one of your own

http://www.flickr.com/photos/matthieu-aubry/239278903/sizes/m/in/photostream/

i stare

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/fieldnotes/2017670592_animals_on_the_move_first_survey_results_and_photos_galore.html

do you think they'll play with us?

die antwoord.

:D

wow i'm loving this!

get on board the night train

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqmd964J311r1at80o1_500.jpg

"I don't like change, it's very disorienting. I mean something changes in your life and you have to adapt which means you have to change. But what if i like who i am and don't want to change? Sometimes I can't even tell if I'm moving forward or I'm like frozen. It makes me feel like I'm not in control of my life…it's kinda scary don't you think? 

"It's not that bad…being scared doesn't mean you're in a bad situation, it just means new things are coming your way. It depends on how you see your future i guess."

"What do you mean?"

"Do you see it as this thing far, far away full of ideals and wonderful impossible things or do you see it as the next hour, the next moment?"

"Does it really matter?"

"I think so. One definitely feels better than the other."

~from All the Days Before Tomorrow

.

"Your heart understood mine. In the depth of the fragrant night, I listened with ravished soul to your beloved voice. Your heart understood mine."

ifhkdj

wowow cant believe how long its been since ive listened to this

i need to stop listening to trance at night. it hops me up too much and i can never get to sleep. all i want to do is dance.


i miss this cd.

"Late at night my mind would come alive with voices and stories and friends as dear to me as any in the real world. I gave myself up to it, longing for transformation."

~Jo March, Little Women (movie)

and they're sharing a drink called lonliness but it's better than drinking alone

"By yourself you can do nothing here. Have you not noticed how tightly we shut out strangers? Even if you lived here for a lifetime, you would remain a stranger."

"Perhaps that is what I like. There is peace in being a stranger."

~The Strong Breed, by Wole Soyinka

dvd player obtained!

http://hipsterhandbucher.wordpress.com/category/hot-hipsters/

thanks to a certain charming best friend.

giant little animals to feed

i'm married to my music.

loving this demo version of monsters!




hard to decide if i like the demo or album version more.

either way, happy valentines day to my one true love - well, loves. My headphones and ipod! Aptly named Orpheus (II) and Eurydice.
they've gotten quite a lot of action today.

when I'm having a personal dance party

i like to blast sleigh bells.

the original rage face?

probably one of my favorite movies. 

when I was super drugged up after I got my wisdom teeth removed

this is the movie I requested to watch as I fell asleep.  

best writing/study album

animal collective's "campfire songs"

never fails me.

oh hai guys

http://www.nataliedee.com/archives/2011/Oct/

but pika is better

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lywvngPTgw1qd1404o1_500.jpg

favorite songs of the moment

1) hold tight london - chemical brothers
2) louder than boom (extended mix) - tiesto
3) monsters - band of horses
4) i try - macy gray
5) some of these days - andrew bird
6) fireworks - animal collective

in no particular order.

this i can't deny

i try to say goodbye and i choke
try to walk away and i stumble
gonna try to hide it
it's clear
my world crumbles when you are not near.

I have to write this for posterity

That awkward moment when your brother tells you his friend searched for "boobs" and found a photo of you on imgur and reddit.

And I'm just gonna leave it at that.

from daul kim's blog, I LIKE TO FORK MYSELF:

"you start to wonder

why

your face seems to glow

after the night you drank

and also you start to realise

the next day your face looks dull

so you start to do this

drink tonight and look good tommorow morning,

and then drink tommorow night for the

day after tommorow,

and you wake up one day with a headache.


so you stop for a while, and then you drink again

the champaign you got after shooting, and suddenly

you have to deal with reality and failed relationships

you get a massive headache and you come home

and pass out."